Cohabiting with someone you love might seem a bright idea; however, there are several things to look into before holding each-other’s hand to press a button in search for a perfect rental home.
Here is a Check list before Cohabiting or “Moving In together”
Is cohabiting a Good Decision?
I don’t mean to sound like Dad and Mom here, but is this the right step for you?
An article from the New York Times explains the phenomenon of various duos ‘sliding in but not deciding’ to stay together.
Jay, in this article states that;
“Moving from courtship to sleeping over then sleeping over several times to cohabitation is a gradual slope, one not described by ceremonies or wedding rings or at times it even lacks a simple conversation. Many Couples overlook talking about their reasons to move in together and implications of their actions.”
Some just move in without asking whether they are welcome to stay and soon find themselves expecting a new life whose father isn’t ready.
The unexpected outcome of sliding in could be a chaotic one and sliding out of it is never as easy as sliding into it.
Further the Government of Kenya now recognizes the relationship as a marriage once it hits six months and he hasn’t called for the wedding.
What Does Moving in Together Mean For you?
Without making it look like a gender war, study shows that many women imagine staying together as a stepping stone to marriage or perhaps a long term commitment.
On the other hand, men may view it as a way of testing the strength of the relationship or perhaps a strategy to postpone the formal commitment.
However, one thing all the parties agree on is the standards of moving in together with someone are slightly lower than those of selecting a spouse and running to the commitment altar.
Is the Relationship Healthy?
Consider some fundamental questions like:
- Do you really like each other?
- Are you in the relationship for the long haul?
- Does your partner share with you a common vision for the future?
- Do you have compatible lifestyles?
If he prefers partying and going for late night drinking spree while she likes waking up early to head to work, it possibly may not work out.
You probably experienced a few of these lifestyle challenges during those infant days of the “honeymoon phase” though it is essential you share your expectations with regard to the daily chores like who will cook, remove the garbage or carry out the laundry?
What Happens When it Gets Tough?
Cohabiting could be your ‘best option’ but, it is associated with several cons that may make or break your treasured relationship. Cohabiting actually means seeing one another at your worst and best; it is not possible to hide from your partner.
Ever imagined your partner being stressed or sick? Ever disagreed or fought with your partner? If not, it is more likely to happen sooner than you thought because we all have different backgrounds, varying joke limits and temperaments. So, friction may occur once in a while and you need to know how to handle it.
Tough times come to help you understand each other’s personality and evaluate whether that is the right person you may want to live with in the long term; so, how you handle your issues matters a lot.
Time to Test the Waters
If you are spending each night together, there probably is your toothbrush in the bathroom and you have a drawer for other small small stuff, simply put, you have your stuff in his house. May be you are currently getting along with one another without conflicts but that no guarantee.
Usually, people who have coexisted with others in the past or experienced at campus boarding or high school boarding will easily know how to live with others. However, this is not always obvious for those cohabiting while sharing intimacy.
If you are planning to move in together yet you do not know how things will turn out, you could test it for about a month at either of your houses. You will realize that the reality of staying together is different and will give you an idea of what may happen if you choose to cohabit.
Discuss Money Matters
Moving in is usually cost extensive and also ties two people together financially whether you keep your money separate or not. You should ensure that you can both cover shared costs; then plan and discuss how you intend to split various expenses like weekly rent, rental bond, groceries, and bills.
You should consider creating a comprehensive financial plan for staying together catering for the utility bills plus all household expenses.
Carry out Asset Compatibility Check
It may probably fail to work if all your partner imagines is to reside in the loft apartments within the busy inner city regions while you dream of building a huge house at the suburbs.
Thus, discuss what you think must be part of the furniture or property and any likely compromises. This is very important if you decide to rent. Nonetheless, it is even more crucial if you are buying the house.
Have Healthy Conversations
Talking is one of the approaches that solve issues for any two people living together. Of course, for this to happen, you should respect each other and be willing to give an ear to the other person.
As long as you keep living together, differences will arise but they should not break anything. You can instead turn those differences into strengths by talking it out and resolving them.
Cohabiting will be hard if one of you thinks he or she has the right to sulk the entire day just because of some thing they do not agree with. Come on! Life is too short for that.
It is only by sharing it that your partner will be able to understand you. Moreover, when addressing an issue, try so that you separate the issue at hand from your individual emotions.
Don’t Forget to Sign the Dotted Line before Moving in
You should get both your names on the mortgage or lease contract.
I like the way xojane.com puts it:
Never let anyone, no matter how cute they are in the morning, hold your housing in their hands.
If you break up with your partner, you will be rendered homeless and broke. Therefore, to ensure all things are fairly and equally divided, do not forget to be included in the mortgage or lease contract.
If you decide to put up together, remember the recommendation from psychologists that compromise and communication are the two most important ingredients within a relationship (Sorensen, 2013).
Do the right thing, Legalize your marriage because if you don’t, your spouse will run to the chief to help you out.
Tell me what you think about cohabitation or this article by Commenting Below
Category : Moving